After I joined my high school dance club, I learned many important things that I needed to make my life better. I watched some amazing dancing at the welcome party for freshman when I entered high school. Until that time, I hadn’t ever seen such a performance. I was very impressed with them, and I felt like they were stars. But on the other hand, it seemed to be impossible for me to dance like them, even if I could learn the dances. I thought about it for a week, and then I decided to become a member of the dance club. The reason I made the decision was I imagined myself dancing like them; I thought that if I could become like one of those people, I would have a lot of confidence in myself.
It was harder to practice the dance than I imagined before I start it. But it was more exciting than I expected at first. The things I needed to do were not only dancing but also making the dance. Making the dance was more difficult than practicing the dance. We needed to discuss about what kind of dance we will do, which music we will use, and how we will dance. It took very long time before we start to practice the dance. On the other hand, it was very exciting to think about how to match the dance to the music. We usually gathered and practiced the dance 3 times a week, but before a welcome party, a school festival and a competition, we practiced every day, in the early morning before the class begin, in a break time after a lunch, after school and even on the weekend. Though it was very hard, I could learn cooperative and perseverance through those experiences. Then finally, after 2 years, I was dancing on the stage with confidence and got much clapping from the audience.
Sometimes I lose my confidence before I act something although I don’t know whether I can do it or not. But through those experiences, I learned that the most important thing is to make a goal and try one’s best even if it looks very difficult. Now I think even if I couldn’t achieve my goal at that time, I wouldn’t regret for trying that, because there were also many things I could learn through the processes. Now these experiences and the member of dance club are my treasures in my life.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
CONTENTS
ReplyDeleteYou wrote about your experience. We need to write what kind of person you are.
COHESIVENESS
It is fine.
GRAMMAR AND VOCABULARY
Should write with the past tense in first sentence of the last paragraph.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThe teacher’s revised version:
ReplyDeleteAfter I joined my high school dance club, I learned many important things that I needed to make my life better. I watched some amazing dancing at the welcome party for freshman when I entered high school. Until that time, I hadn’t ever seen such a performance. I was very impressed with them, and I felt like they were stars. But on the other hand, it seemed to be impossible for me to dance like them, even if I could learn the dances. I thought about it for a week, and then I decided to become a member of the dance club. The reason I made the decision was I imagined myself dancing like them; I thought that if I could become like one of those people, I would have a lot of confidence in myself.
It was harder to practice the dances than I imagined it would before I started, but it was, also, more exciting than I expected at first. I didn’t just need to dance; I needed to help choreograph new dances, too. Choreographing dances was more difficult than practicing them. We needed to talk about what kinds of dance we were going to do, what music we were going to use, and how we were going to do everything on stage. It took a very long time before we, actually, started practicing. Nevertheless, it was very exciting to think about matching the dance to the music. We usually gathered and practiced the dance three times a week. However, before a welcome party, a school festival, or some kind of competition, we practiced every day — in the early morning before classes begin, after lunch, after school, and even on the weekend. Though it was very hard, I learned the value of cooperation and perseverance through those experiences. Then, two years later, I was dancing on the stage with confidence, and the audience applauded.
Sometimes I lose my confidence before I try something, even though I don’t know whether I can do it or not. But through those experiences, I have learned that the most important thing is to make a goal and try one’s best, even if it looks very difficult. Now I think that even if I couldn’t achieve my goal, I wouldn’t regret trying because there are many things I could learn through the processes. The experiences that I had with the dance club are my treasures in my life.
Mihoko, Dancing is the best thing you like?
ReplyDeletewhen you were a little girl, did you think about that you wish to be a dancer?
CONTENT
ReplyDeleteThe content is good. It's easy to understand.
COHESIVENESS
It's easy to follow.
GRAMMAR AND VOCABULARY
Fragment problem
I was very impressed with them, and I felt like they were stars.( But) on (On) the other hand, it seemed to be impossible for me to dance like them, even if I could learn the dances.